It's time for Dad's six month check up at the doctor's. Dad is up extra early worried that he could possibly miss the appointment. I tell him to take his time, that his appointment isn't until 9:00 and we will leave at 8:45. I get home from dropping Jay off at school around 8:15 and Dad is sitting at the table tapping his fingers. "Is it time now?" he asks. "No, not yet. We'll leave in a half hour or so." Dad goes into the living room and sits on the couch and sighs. He puts his head back and closes his eyes. I go about my business picking up the dishes and get myself a cup of coffee.
Ten minutes later Dad comes back into the kitchen and sits at the table. He explains "I didn't sleep good all night. I'm nervous. I hate these appointments. Tony (Dr Scap his previous doctor) would always let me slide. But I know I'll get it today!" I try and calm him down "Dad this is only a quick appointment for the doctor to talk to you about your medication. He wants to make sure that the memory medication is working for you. We go and see him about every six months." Dad looks at me and says "I hate going because I get this!" He then sticks up his middle finger and says "YUP I get the finger right up there, and I always get the ones with the fat fingers!" I want to burst out laughing as I watch him mimic a prostate exam with his middle finger. I just can't help myself and I instinctively stick up my middle finger and wave it at my father "Dad you're not going to get this today!" I'm laughing hysterically and Dad looks at me and says "REALLY?? Oh I think I will! When I was a kid if someone tried sticking their finger up my ass I would have killed them and gone to jail. Now-a-days they think they gotta do that to people." Once we are done with our middle finger exercises we get ready and leave for the doctor's office.
During our drive Dad continues on with stories about various doctors and physical exams. He got so detailed with his descriptions that I had to ask him to please stop. My father has lost his understanding that I am his daughter. I try to explain to him that the conversation makes me uncomfortable because he is my father and there are some things that you don't discuss with your daughter. I tell him that some things are private and that if he has concerns he can talk with the doctor about how he feels. Dad says he is sorry and "I know you just don't understand too many things. It's OK." Of course this makes me want to wring his neck, but at least he will stop with the penis and prostate exam stories. As I see it, this is a small price to pay.
As we pull into the parking space Dad releases his seat belt and opens the car door. I grab his arm and yell "WAIT WAIT!!" I see him look out the door and watch the ground move beneath. I stop, put the car in park and turn off the key. "Dad, it is very dangerous for you to take your seat belt off while the car is still moving. It is even more dangerous for you to open the car door while the car is still moving. If you were to put your foot out the door, I could run you over!" He ignores me and finishes getting out of the car. We go into the doctor's office and sign in then have a seat. I'm still a bit upset so I ask him "Dad do you realize that getting out of a car while it is still moving might cause you to get hurt?" He laughs, "NA, you can't hurt me. I'm spider man." These are the times I am not sure if he is serious or he is just screwing with me. "Dad, you are NOT spider man. You are Ray Mopkis who is human just like the rest of us. If you fall out of the car you will get squashed just like anyone else. Please do not do that again." Once again he chuckles "Yeah, OK. Pammy (his niece) used to yell at me about that too. You're just like her!"
Dad has his medication review. As always he tells the nurse that he doesn't eat. She sneaks me a quick wink, she is always amused by my father. At his first appointment he had asked her if she wanted to go out on a date, "To hell with your husband!" he said. She thought he was being cute, but he was completely serious. Then we see the doctor and he approves his medication refills and tells dad that he is looking very good.
On the way home Dad is fairly quiet and he stares out the window shaking his head. After ten minutes he announces "THAT doctor ain't no good. He doesn't know nothin about doctor'in." I tell dad that I think Dr Andrews has done a great job. Dad says "You don't know nothin' about this stuff. Any doctor that don't even TRY to give you this (sticking up his middle finger) well....he just ain't no good!"
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